Nothing was off-limits for Ariana Grande in the latest issue Vogue magazine.
The Grammy-winner, 26, got candid in the emotional interview speaking about her tumultuous last few years which included her whirlwind romance and engagement to “SNL” star Pete Davidson, the unexpected death of her ex-boyfriend rapper Mac Miller, and her experience surviving a terrorist attack.
“I have to be the luckiest girl in the world, and the unluckiest, for sure,” Grande said.
“I’m walking this fine line between healing myself and not letting the things that I’ve gone through be picked at before I’m ready, and also celebrating the beautiful things that have happened in my life and not feeling scared that they’ll be taken away from me because trauma tells me that they will be,” she told Vogue for its August issue.
Here are the five biggest revelations from the “7 Rings” singer’s tell-all interview:
In May 2017, at her concert, a suicide bomber killed 22 people and injured dozens more. She said: “It’s not my trauma.“It’s those families. It’s their losses, and so it’s hard to just let it all out without thinking about them reading this and reopening the memory for them.”
A year later, in September 2018, Miller was found dead in a hotel room from an accidental overdose. He was 26 years old and later it was discovered he had fentanyl, cocaine and alcohol in his system. Grande said the grief was “all-consuming.”
“By no means was what we had perfect, but, like, f–k. He was the best person ever, and he didn’t deserve the demons he had. I was the glue for such a long time, and I found myself becoming… less and less sticky. The pieces just started to float away.”
The couple began dating last May and got engaged less than a month later. They split in October. Grande called the relationship “an amazing distraction.”
“It was frivolous and fun and insane and highly unrealistic, and I loved him, and I didn’t know him,” she revealed. “I’m like an infant when it comes to real life and this old soul, been-around-the-block-a-million-times artist. I still don’t trust myself with the life stuff.”
Creating ‘thank u, next’ after Miller’s death and break-up with Davidson
“My friends know how much solace music brings me, so I think it was an all-around, let’s-get-her-there type situation,” she said of why she made the album.
“But if I’m completely honest, I don’t remember those months of my life because I was (a) so drunk and (b) so sad. I don’t really remember how it started or how it finished, or how all of a sudden there were 10 songs on the board. I think that this is the first album and also the first year of my life where I’m realizing that I can no longer put off spending time with myself, just as me.”
Getting emotional while onstage
“I was researching healing and PTSD and talking to therapists, and everyone was like, ‘You need a routine, a schedule.’ Of course because I’m an extremist, I’m like, OK, I’ll go on tour!” Grande explained.
“it’s hard to sing songs that are about wounds that are so fresh. It’s fun, it’s pop music, and I’m not trying to make it sound like anything that it’s not, but these songs to me really do represent some heavy s–t.”